Why Am I Here?

It is March 2nd, 2017. The sun is shining here in Minnesota but it’s a bit chilly (go figure). I woke up today feeling more inspired than I have in a long time to rebuild my creative self, and I figured – like most people do – that documenting these feelings to an entire digital world of strangers was a great idea. Now that I’ve typed that out, I’m not so sure. Bear with me.

This is largely in part due to some great conversations I’ve had with coworkers over the past few weeks. So it looks like the large amount of downtime I’ve had at work may have actually paid off. What a concept. Before I explain the nature of these talks, let me tell you where I work.

Okay, not where. This is the big bad internet, after all.

But in short, I work in retail. More specifically, I work at a department store in a white suburban area. Cue the dramatic music. I’ve been working in similar jobs such as this since I first stepped into the workforce at 18, and I’ve always found myself in the cosmetics department. This has, for the most part, given me some great experiences and wonderful friends. But my point here is this: if I continue to do this for much longer I will go absolutely insane.

🙂

Not surprisingly, many of my coworkers feel the same. And every month, as traditional department stores lose business to online shopping and the glorious Amazon, we find ourselves with more and more time to think about it. There’s one woman in particular that continues to pick my brain about what the hell we’re doing here.

Last night, as we stood in our appropriate bays (or cages, as we so lovingly refer to them), and stared at each until we drooled, we started talking about our goals in life. My coworker – let’s call her D – asked me this after I rambled on about how uninspired I was in the moment: “So what are you passionate about?”

I had to stop and think for a second. All I could see in my mind’s eye were customers trying on lipsticks and ignoring all rules of sanitation. When the smoke cleared, I said what I’ve always said to everyone else who’s asked me that: “Writing.”

And in her true, no-nonsense nature, D goes, “Okay so do that.”

As if it’s that easy, right? Well for nearly an hour we talked about how yeah, maybe it could be! She continued to ask me what I like to write about, and have I ever tried to publish anything, and what the hell why don’t you have a blog? I didn’t have any good answers, of course. I realized as she was asking me these questions that I’ve never had any answers, just excuses.

And I’m sick of it.

I’m sick of making excuses and being my own biggest obstacle in achieving my goals. I’m sick of all the days when I finally lay down to sleep and realize that I haven’t done a single thing to better myself. I’m sick of feeling like my days at work are all running together into one gray blob of wasted time.

So as I left for the night, I told D, “I’m going to make a list tonight of my goals and I’m holding you to the same!” And I actually did.

I may have gotten a bit carried away last night writing down every last thing I wanted out of life, but I’m going to share with you strangers the goals from the top of my list. The first things that came to mind were these:

  • Be financially comfortable
  • Work from home
  • Be more creative

I know these aren’t exactly ideal, manageable, clear-cut goals. There’s much more work to be done on these and I’ll be updating you on that process. But overall, these 3 things seem to be at the heart of every thought I have throughout the day. Most of my general complaints stem from my feelings about how these goals seem so far out of my reach.

Long story short, I decided this morning to start a blog. For real this time. I’m pushing myself to be creative and hold myself accountable all at the same time. This is one thing I can do every day to better myself. In bettering myself, I’m getting a head start in my journey toward my dream life. And straight out of retail.

If this post touches any eyes, thank you for reading. If not, that’s okay, because ultimately this a journey for me. Stay tuned for my personal updates and horrific tales from the department store. I promise I have some juicy ones.

-M

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